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My Autobiography
I was born a poor black child... (not really, and apologies to the writers of The Jerk) on the outskirts (skirts?) of the sleepy college town of Palo Alto, California. 
The fourth of eight children born to Kathy Dyer, I have two brothers (one deceased) and five sisters.  
At the tender age of 1  year old, my parents were divorced, my older siblings remained with my father and I stayed with my mother. As of then, I was the oldest (and only) child in the household. 
As a product of moving around a lot (my new step dad was a long haul trucker), my younger sisters were born in various parts of the west and midwest.  And I got to see a lot of the country.  The down side of this was that in moving every six months or so, I never had any close friends. This was not quite so bad as it sounds... as I was part of such a large family.  Over the course of the next 5 years four younger sisters were born. 
As a boy, I wasn't.  I was never into sports or games, preferring instead to read or sit and think, musing of a world of my own design.  My first true inkling that I was different was when I was eight, and had a crush on a ten year old boy down the street.* To this day I still remember his name...
As my sisters grew older, I enjoyed playing house with them and games of pretend. I also wanted to play dolls with them, but my step dad frowned on it, so I couldn't always.
At the age of 10, one of my sisters was nearly my size, myself always having been slight for my age. It was then that I began to wear girls clothes whenever I could, this being of course when no one else was home.  I remember vividly how wonderful it felt the first time I put on a dress.  I felt so alive, like I had opened up a part of me that had never seen the light of day before.
After that, other things began to happen in my life that would ensure that my new found feelings would be shoved deeply into the background for many years to come. 
The first of these was the departure of my step dad in the winter of 1966-67, he just went  out to do shopping and didn't return.  We were to learn later that he had absconded with a friend of the family.  
Following this, we moved to Montana to be near my aunt.  On Easter Sunday, my mother passed away after a massive heart attack. This being just one week before my 12th birthday, I was of course devastated, and I withdrew from as much of life as possible for many years.  This, coupled with a fear of anyone finding out about my desire to be a girl caused me to act out inappropriately during my adolescence and young adulthood.  And resultantly to find myself in considerable trouble.
*- there were actually two crushes, I also had a crush on Kurt Russell, then starring in a TV program called 'The Travels of Jaimie McPheeters' 
I stuffed Brenda back in the nether reaches of my soul, and began to act out in the more socially acceptable form of being gay, though I was never comfortable with the title or the lifestyle. 
My adult life had been a series of stifling events and self denial. I went through continual torture until I at last could stand no more and ripped the mask of malehood from my face... this on the 41st anniversary of my birth. This is the time when I began to inform my friends and family of my intent to become a female.   
I expected going in that I would suffer from universal rejection, and prepared myself for it. Somehow, it just didn't work out that way.....  From the very first person I told, my wonderful and loving baby sister, Sherrie, I gained more and more support.  With each person I told, I gained another advocate. It was beginning to really floor me.  And things only continued to improve... it was like everyone knew that this is what I was supposed to do all along. 
I began counseling to obtain the diagnosis I needed to begin hrt and begin my journey in earnest.  I began living as a female full time in September, 1998, and began hrt in October, at the age of 43 years and five months, I was finally on my way to being the girl I was meant to be. 
I have never felt good about myself in my entire life, but now I am really beginning to love myself, I no longer am driven to do crazy things to make up for the fact that I was denying my own self the right to see the light of day. 
I have met wonderful new friends, on the chats and in the real world.  It is just so wonderful.... 
Now I dress all the time and I love everything that makes me feel more like a girl. I look forward to the time when I will have my srs, and my dream will be complete.  I am hoping that it will be somewhere around January 2001.
Update: It's now 3 May, 2001, and I have had my SRS. Good news: As of 23 April, I am at last the girl I was meant to be. I now know that this will not be the culmination of the dream, but merely another step in the journey that will last a lifetime.
To all of you who are reading this, I wish you joy, prosperity and love.. most of all love. :)
I hope that in the time that I have spent here on the internet that I have helped more than I have hurt, that I have given the love that people have needed in a time when love can be very hard to find. I also pray each day that I will continue to do these things to the best of my ability, and beyond.  To each of you.. my love and best wishes..... Brenda Ann *HUGS*